I CARE
The reality is my world was turned upside down three months ago. I've experienced things that my eyes cant unsee. I had this Paul like experience and my life as I use to know it has been challenged to it’s core. Truth is somedays I wish I could forget and go back to the way life was before Cuba — easy and oblivious to the world. At the same time, I feel this heavy responsibility to make those aware around me. This heavy call screams louder than my comfort and even louder than my fear. My words now serve to honor the lives of the voiceless and bring awareness to the invisible. Not invisible because they are hiding, but because WE are blinded. Maybe after all I was the invisible one. Complaining about meaningless things like “traffic” or “what to eat” as if I had the right. As if I understood what I was saying when I complained. I feel as if I became irrelevant and invisible when I ignorantly ignored the reality of our world. Dishonoring and disrespecting those who suffer daily. Not only in Cuba, but also in my country and surrounding countries. My notions were insulting to my hurting neighbor.
My every day life now consists of bringing to memory what I saw there, how to continue without oblivion and how to bring my currently reality in America into perspective. I realize my desire to post on social media and to be relevant to the world has died along with the desire to “be something”. After all thats what we want, right? To be seen! To be heard! To reach a certain amount of followers because that equates success, right? Because having tons of money is the goal, right? What a life. What a jail cell to live in. I mean, I never really had a desire to be famous or have tons of money, but I did want to be successful. And by no means am I saying thats wrong, but ask your self WHY.. Why do you do what you do. Does it serve a purpose greater than yourself? I don’t want to die and be known as the girl who takes great instagram photos. That would actually be insulting, but I realize I may have missed the mark along the way.. as we all do. We all become oblivious at some point in our lives and thats the scariest place to be.
I lost my desire to create content when I realized what truly mattered. Yes I do post on social media, and yes I’ve had to because of commitments with companies. Truth is I will continue to post because there is a way to enjoy life and give honor to those suffering. It’s a balance I’m still trying to perfect. I post now to keep engagement with the goal in mind that if I post something about Cuba or any other part of the world that it might inspire people to care. This is my train of thought: If I continue to post, people will continue to follow me (because God forbid you stop posting..you immediately become non existent and tons of people start unfollowing) and maybe just maybe I can help bring perspective… because I was unaware and oblivious most of my life. And not because I wasn’t being told or because I didn’t have the opportunity to see, but I simply chose the easier route of pretending it didn’t exist because that means I didn’t have to feel. If I don't have to feel I don’t really have to care and if I don’t acknowledge it well it doesn’t exist, right? How sad. How horrible…yet how true.
One of the hardest challenges I face is how to make those around me care. How to inspire people to care enough to open their eyes for a second. To put themselves in the shoes of someone else that could of been me or them. How to bring attention to sad fact that there are professionals making 19 dollars a month or how drinking water with sugar is a normal meal when there is nothing to eat. The truth can pierce the calloused heart. The truth can liberate blinds eyes by the simple act of trying to care. It makes me angry to see oblivion. It makes me angry to think we believe the saying “what you don't know, wont hurt you", which is the biggest lie. It will hurt you. It will make you unavailable and unusable. It will disqualify you from the privilege of seeing and helping. Why does this make me angry? Because this was all a reflection of me. It’s the reality of my human state and the state of those around you and me. It makes me sad to think this was me and I’ll live every day to bury that horrific version of myself — because its a daily task, not a one and done situation. I can easily go back to my pre Cuba self if I choose not to stay vulnerable, sensitive and willing. Truth is I don’t know how to make you care, but I can let you know why I do.
Three months ago I met three young people in Cuba who had no consistent real connection with the outside world. These people became my friends and I’ve spoken to them everyday since I left that island. As the days have flown by, I’ve become aware of real struggles, yet at the same time I’ve been exposed to TRUE joy. They no longer were strangers that live in poverty, but friends whose voices I could distinguish from miles and miles away. Their faces are now imprinted on my heart and their stories will never leave my memory. Their needs somehow became my needs and their happiness was now mine as well. I ask daily what they do, what they ate, and we have bible studies every Tuesday night. All this to say, I realized quickly what truly mattered. I took a break from my world and tried to submerge myself in theirs. I’ve learned things that I haven’t learned in 24 years of living. I’ve discovered what truly matters and now serving God is my first response. I have an incredible passion for Christ as a result of all of this. I recognize that I need Him more today than I did yesterday. I am not better nor am I claiming to be the best. I was unaware and that is my fault. Now I am now aware of: People, souls, the simplicity of life, laughing, crying, actually tasting my food, being sincerely thankful, smiling in the midst of pain, laughing in the face of adversity…ultimately perspective! My problems and worries became smaller and smaller and the dreams of building my kingdom quickly disappeared and the only words I am left with are: “here I am. send me”. My biggest goal and the most important one of all is to build HIS kingdom and to burry mine daily. I can’t properly give justice to what I saw through words because the human language has limits and it’s capacity falls short, but here I am..trying. Trying to urge you to care. To feel. To step out of our self centered culture and step into the shoes of the voiceless. Maybe together we are stronger. Maybe together our voices are louder. Maybe we can TRY to care. Maybe together we can change our world. Maybe together we can say “Here I am. Send me."
And maybe just maybe the rest is pure history.
Warmly,
A heart that now cares.
“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about the things that matter.” - Martin Luther King Jr.
https://www.gofundme.com/cubamissions2018
